In mid March, just as everything began to unfold with the coronavirus, I was travelling with my family in the US. We returned to Canada as borders were closing. Back at home, two days later, I had a wave of physical anxiety (actually many waves over the course of the day) like I’ve never experienced before.

And the day after that, I developed a fever. A calm came over me then, and a knowing.

This is an Initiation.

In the process of being sick, and isolated in one room away from the rest of my nuclear family, I was stripped down and humbled. Faced my deepest fears. Met unconscious beliefs, parts of myself I’d abandoned. Did the unpleasant and necessary work of seeing things I didn’t want to see. And it feels like a gift. (…I tried rewriting this part several times because I don’t want it to sound overly dramatic. But it’s the truest way I can express what happened and the meaning I’ve made of it.)

It’s been more than three weeks now and my energy level still isn’t at 100% (but whose isright now?). I’m told that based on my symptoms and the length of recovery, I most likely did have “it.” I don’t know for sure, and I’ll be taking an antibody test once a reliable one becomes available.

I’m super grateful that my symptoms were relatively mild and I didn’t have the most troubling ones (well, not as part of the physical illness itself, but that’s a story for another time). I recognize the great blessing of being able to see and experience this illness as an opportunity for initiation, and not having it be life-threatening, as it has been for too many. I acknowledge my privilege — not being in a place of fearing for my ability to feed my family or keep a roof over my head, which makes it possible for me to explore this from the perspective of personal and spiritual growth. And I want to use whatever deeper insight, empathy and compassion I’ve gained through this experience to support others who are in need.

Whether through the times themselves, or catalyzed through emotional stress and distress, grief for our losses, dis-ease that manifests physically, or any other particular personal experience that has come out of this, I believe we are all now in a time of individual initiation, as well as a collective one.

I’ve seen this time referred to as the Great Reset and the Great Pause. I’m going to call it the Great Initiation.

We have all been called inside, to really, really look at ourselves, our choices, and our lives. It’s deep, multi-layered work that can feel overwhelming and painful AND it’s the most important and exciting work we can do.

If we really take this call seriously and do the work, I believe we can create from and evolve into something infinitely richer and more loving, at the level of self, community, and as a more reverent and cooperative species spending time as a guest on Mother Earth. It’s an ending, and a beginning.

I will be sharing more about my journey through illness and initiation in the coming weeks. Not to make this time all about me, but hopefully to use my experience to help you explore what this time of the Great Initiation means for you. It feels like that’s the deeper work I’m called to do for the next while.

In the meantime, my wish for you is you are moving through these times of Mystery and Initiation with grace, giving yourself permission to be as you are in each moment, leaning in where needed, and finding fragments of joy and peace when you can.